2015 is almost upon us and everyone is doing their “year-end” awards and remembrances, so I thought it would be fun to look ahead at what I think 2015 will have in store for both horse racing and my friends on twitter in the racing community. So here’s an exhaustive list of predictions.
1. Peter Berry will rejoin twitter under the name “Pedro Baya”
2. @RogueClown (Nicolle) will meet Curlin, but will simultaneously scream “Squeeee” so loud that it scares him and he runs away.
3. Wise Dan will lose a race early in the season and some angry dude on twitter will respond 4 seconds after the race with the tweet “He’s done”
4. HRTV will begin showing miniature show pony beauty contests on Tuesdays instead of showing Portland Meadows
5. Todd Pletcher will win the Preakness and criticize Churchill Downs on NBC with Bob Costas.
6. @CarlyKaiser will finally give in and just make all her tweets in “ALL CAPS”
7. Los Alamitos will cancel the Ed Burke Million when 8 of the runners test positive for In N Out Burger spread.
8. @bombsawaybob will play a $0.10 superfecta from Charles Town within 7 minutes of a national tragedy.
9. Agapito Delgadillo will win the Kentucky Derby and @LosPonies will get yelled at on twitter for celebrating his father in law winning the biggest race in the country.
10. Michael Wrona will be named the new Woodbine announcer and craft beer prices in Toronto will go up because of it.
11. @StribLove (Johnny Love) will be attacked on the tv set at Canterbury and will put the assailant in a cross faced chicken wing until the police arrive. He’ll hit his Pick 4 while he waits for them.
12. @SimonTVG (Simon Bray) will Retweet someone who says they scored by playing his ticket.
13. Matt Carothers retires from horse racing after he wins $2 million playing Draft Kings Fantasy Football.
14. Steve Coburn signs an endorsement deal with Just For Men Mustache hair coloring and dyes his stache Jet Black.
15. Indian Charlie is let back onto the backside at Churchill Downs but only lasts a day as Tammy Fox beats the crap out of him.
16. @EJXD2 Ed DeRosa will correct 8,257 people on twitter and one of them will finally snap and drive to Kentucky and egg his car.
17. Joe Nevills @MiBredClaimer will get suspended for accidentally cursing about a WWE event from his DRF twitter account and not his personal account.
18. @537RacingLLC (Dylan Smith) wins a big race on Preakness Day and does the winner’s circle interview while eating a huge donut.
19. @Bernier_Matt (Matt Bernier) wins $400,000 on the Handicapping Tournament circuit and people still call him the “broke kid from Horseplayers”
20. Even though Hollywood Park has been closed over a year, Jay Privman will still take a shot at Vic Stauffer’s announcing in the opening day Del Mar story.
21. I will resign from Louisiana Downs because of “heat exhaustion” the first day it hits 80 degrees.
22. Mike Battaglia’s morning line for the Derby will be almost perfect, causing “Morning line criticizer guys” all over the internet to self combust.
23. Travis Stone will be hired by Churchill Downs, but will be fired shortly afterwards because he refuses to live tweet the Derby Draw.
24. President Obama will attend the Derby and will pick the logical favorite on NBC telecast. The horse’s odds immediately sky rocket when 98% of conservative bettors cancel their tickets.
25. Andy Serling will block someone on twitter who pays him a compliment.
26. On closing day at Gulfstream Park with a $3,000,000 carryover in the Rainbow 6…Management decides with 0 minutes to post for the first leg to actually run the race the following day to allow more time for the pools to grow.
27. Churchill Downs opens up wagering on what day Rosie Napravnik’s child will be born. Horseplayers boycott the pool’s 15% takeout rate.