I really miss gambling sometimes

I haven’t gambled in about 51 months now.  Actually exactly 51 months to the day today, 12/5/10 was my last bet.  I’m at the point where I know I can’t gamble and things will be bad if I do, but there’s some days where I almost don’t care and want to go play.  It usually comes around when I’m bored, but it also comes around when there’s big days of racing on the horizon.  All the lead up, all the talk and debate, all the money up for grabs, it’s not that much fun to be abstaining from playing.

Shreveport where I live now is a gambling town.  Most of the tallest buildings in downtown are hotels attached to casinos.  Today, bored out of my mind, I went and took a walk around one of the casinos.  I haven’t been to one since I moved here with the exception of the one I work at.  I didn’t bring any cash in cause I know that would be a bad idea, but fuck it looked fun.  People playing blackjack, drinking, high fiving, winning, losing, busting chops.  I think what I miss most about gambling isn’t the money (or lack thereof) but more the social aspects of it.  The get out of the house aspects of it.  The meeting other people aspects of it.  For years that was the only social thing I did.  When I moved to Cincinnati all I did was go to the OTB or other tracks when I had down time.  Now, I pretty much just sit at home and do nothing.  When I first quit gambling I replaced that itch with food, or girls, or, well food and girls.  Now that I’ve exploded to a new high weight, girls aren’t an option.  Maybe I could go get in shape?  Eh, that’s probably not gonna happen.  I gotta find some kind of new passion.  I haven’t felt passionate about anything other than announcing since I quit gambling.  One of the big problems with being so massively obese is that doing anything becomes a chore and is therefore not fun.  I haven’t really met anyone in the two months I’ve been here other than people at work, but even then my job is a solitary job.

I gotta find something to be interested in.  Getting old and starting over kinda blows.  But, we move on and we move forward.  and we don’t gamble.