2015 racing/twitter predictions

2015 is almost upon us and everyone is doing their “year-end” awards and remembrances, so I thought it would be fun to look ahead at what I think 2015 will have in store for both horse racing and my friends on twitter in the racing community.  So here’s an exhaustive list of predictions.

1.  Peter Berry will rejoin twitter under the name “Pedro Baya”

2.  @RogueClown (Nicolle) will meet Curlin, but will simultaneously scream “Squeeee” so loud that it scares him and he runs away.

3.  Wise Dan will lose a race early in the season and some angry dude on twitter will respond 4 seconds after the race with the tweet “He’s done”

4.  HRTV will begin showing miniature show pony beauty contests on Tuesdays instead of showing Portland Meadows

5.  Todd Pletcher will win the Preakness and criticize Churchill Downs on NBC with Bob Costas.

6.  @CarlyKaiser will finally give in and just make all her tweets in “ALL CAPS”

7.  Los Alamitos will cancel the Ed Burke Million when 8 of the runners test positive for In N Out Burger spread.

8.  @bombsawaybob will play a $0.10 superfecta from Charles Town within 7 minutes of a national tragedy.

9.  Agapito Delgadillo will win the Kentucky Derby and @LosPonies will get yelled at on twitter for celebrating his father in law winning the biggest race in the country.

10.  Michael Wrona will be named the new Woodbine announcer and craft beer prices in Toronto will go up because of it.

11. @StribLove (Johnny Love) will be attacked on the tv set at Canterbury and will put the assailant in a cross faced chicken wing until the police arrive.  He’ll hit his Pick 4 while he waits for them.

12.  @SimonTVG (Simon Bray) will Retweet someone who says they scored by playing his ticket.

13.  Matt Carothers retires from horse racing after he wins $2 million playing Draft Kings Fantasy Football.

14.  Steve Coburn signs an endorsement deal with Just For Men Mustache hair coloring and dyes his stache Jet Black.

15.  Indian Charlie is let back onto the backside at Churchill Downs but only lasts a day as Tammy Fox beats the crap out of him.

16.  @EJXD2 Ed DeRosa will correct 8,257 people on twitter and one of them will finally snap and drive to Kentucky and egg his car.

17.  Joe Nevills @MiBredClaimer will get suspended for accidentally cursing about a WWE event from his DRF twitter account and not his personal account.

18.  @537RacingLLC (Dylan Smith) wins a big race on Preakness Day and does the winner’s circle interview while eating a huge donut.

19.  @Bernier_Matt (Matt Bernier) wins $400,000 on the Handicapping Tournament circuit and people still call him the “broke kid from Horseplayers”

20.  Even though Hollywood Park has been closed over a year, Jay Privman will still take a shot at Vic Stauffer’s announcing in the opening day Del Mar story.

21. I will resign from Louisiana Downs because of  “heat exhaustion” the first day it hits 80 degrees.

22.  Mike Battaglia’s morning line for the Derby will be almost perfect, causing “Morning line criticizer guys” all over the internet to self combust.

23.  Travis Stone will be hired by Churchill Downs, but will be fired shortly afterwards because he refuses to live tweet the Derby Draw.

24.  President Obama will attend the Derby and will pick the logical favorite on NBC telecast.  The horse’s odds immediately sky rocket when 98% of conservative bettors cancel their tickets.

25.  Andy Serling will block someone on twitter who pays him a compliment.

26.  On closing day at Gulfstream Park with a $3,000,000 carryover in the Rainbow 6…Management decides with 0 minutes to post for the first leg to actually run the race the following day to allow more time for the pools to grow.

27.  Churchill Downs opens up wagering on what day Rosie Napravnik’s child will be born.  Horseplayers boycott the pool’s 15% takeout rate.

Beemie Award for Twitter Fight of the year–WINNERS @BARBARO1420 AND @MATTYJRACING

This is the big one. The Best Picture. The MVP. Best Twitter fight of the year. Insight, comedy, facts, opinions, those are all fine. But what is twitter really good for? People fighting and making asses out of themselves when they’re pissed/drunk. When it comes to that, Barbaro1420, Josh Hanson is the Lawrence Olivier, Daniel Day-Lewis, Meryl Streep, you get the picture.

So many of his fights and feuds are part of horse racing twitter lore. There’s the arguments with Ed DeRosa. Anyone who supports Bob Baffert. Anyone who thinks the government should be there to help people. Anyone from DRF. Bruno the Clocker.  Who could forget that one!  He’s tangled with them all. Jeez, even this week he picked a new target to fight with.

Not a NYRA fan

Not a NYRA fan

 

But his post BC Classic feud with Matt Jukick had it all. It had name calling. Fight challenging. Boss calling. Passive aggressive profile bios, twitter breaks and more.

Josh and Matt never seemed to gel on twitter for one reason or another when Matt arrived in Edmonton at Northlands. You got two very opinionated and stubborn guys and it was a recipe for a blow up.

Fast forward to Breeders’ Cup day. Josh had spent weeks, months even, insisting that Baffert is cheating and cannot win in 72 hour security and Bayern is juiced up to the moon and would lose the Breeders’ Cup. So of course, Bayern wins.

Everyone was ready to pile on Josh and give him shit and Matt led with a “hahahahahaha”…..and then it was off. Josh called a name. Matt called a name. Fuck you. No fuck you. You know where to find me. I’ll be there. I’m never coming to northlands again. Good!

It was twitter fighting at it’s finest. And I was right in the middle of it as I’m friendly with both guys. Both even apologized to me for the whole thing.

That's a lot of programs!

That’s a lot of programs!

I think these two hot-heads are ripe for another twitter feud down the road, but for now, it’s probably best that the sequel isn’t in the works.

Beemie Award for Favorite Follow of the Year—WINNER @THERAIDERFAN …MIKE HUNT!

This is a tough one cause there are so many great follows on twitter. But my personal favorite racing follow is @TheRaiderFan. He’s always offensive, generally right, always opinionated but usually somehow respectful when doing it. It’s a good combination that leads to many fun and funny tweets. Really on twitter all I want to do is laugh and he puts out a good dose of those each day.’

See what I mean?

See what I mean?

Beemie Award winner for Hickman Lifetime Achievement Award for Friendliness on Twitter–WINNER @MATTICAPPER!

This award goes to the person who always has a positive and optimistic attitude towards racing, people in racing, and people in general.   It goes to someone who is always respectful, light hearted, serious when appropriate, and most of all, classy and caring.

It goes to the person who will favorite your tweet even when it’s not funny. It goes to the person who is always the first to congratulate you on a winning Pick 4 play and the first to console you when you lose. It goes to the person who never complains about a bad ride or rider. Never mentions their dislike of television analysts.   Essentially this award goes to the person you’d most like to have marry your daughter.

It goes to Matticapper! Matticapper has 23,600 favorites, which means he loves all of you and your posts.

Matti is the nicest!

Matti is the nicest!

Beemie Award for Best Twitter Bromance–Larry Collmus and Peter Berry!

Comedy has always been influenced by comedy teams. Stiller and Mira. Laurel and Hardy. Martin and Lewis. Howard and Robin. Well twitter has had it’s share of great Bromances as well. Derbyologist and Insidethenumbrs. Ridindirtydavis and TheRaiderFan. Me and @Mike Joyce.   @notthetoddster and @grahammotion

But no other Bromance has blossomed in front of our eyes quite like that of Larry Collmus and Peter Berry.

Peter came on to twitter like a force. Then he quit twitter. Then he was back like a day later. Then he started handicapping Mountaineer races. Then he quit again. Then he got drunk one night and started tweeting some really crazy stuff. Then he quit again. But now he’s been back for a while. But the one constant among his inconsistency has been Larry Collmus.

Anytime a new job opens up at any track, be it a fair meet or NYRA, Peter assumes Larry will get it. More often than not he’s right, but still. They go back and forth, matching wits and it’s always entertaining. A particular high spot I thought was just this past Tuesday when Woodbine announcer Dan Loiselle announced his retirement and Larry launched a pre-emptive strike.

Hi Larry Us!

Hi Larry Us!

I hope you two never change!

Larry Rules

Larry Rules

Peter keeping an eye out for Larry taking his job

Peter keeping an eye out for Larry taking his job

Beemie Award for Twitter Comeback of the Year—WINNER ED DEROSA!

Ed DeRosa is a polarizing figure on twitter. Some people love him and some people detest him. But as they say, if you’re not pissing someone off then you’re doing something wrong.   Ed mysteriously vanished from twitter.   No explanation and many in the racing world were left to guess what indeed had caused Ed to leave?

Herpes can kill.  Use Valtrex kids

Herpes can kill. Use Valtrex kids

When Ed was gone, some of his detractors even gave money to charity they were so happy he was gone. So his absence was making the world a better place in some ways.

Charity is good, even when it's bad

Charity is good, even when it’s bad

I know personally I rather enjoyed not having to hear Eclipse award debate while he was gone.

Then on July 23rd, Ed DeRosa rose from the dead. Some racing fans rejoiced. Others, well, not so much. But Ed’s a cog in the wheel of racing twitter and 6,425 followers cant be wrong, he was missed! Welcome back Ed!

Beemie Award for This is Why Racing is Dying Guy–WINNER SEBASTIAN PISCUSKAS!!

This one could also be the glass is half empty award. But it goes to Sebastian Piscuskas @SeaBass912 . Sebastian thinks racing is dying. And if you don’t believe it, just look at his profile picture

It's even dying in his profile pic

It’s even dying in his profile pic

But he doesn’t stop there. If his horse gets beat an exacta….he’ll say the sport is dying.   If a horse goes wire to wire…the sport is dying!

game is dying

game is dying

lots of dying!

lots of dying!

And it extends beyond racing too. But because one pitcher started a game and another didn’t…you guessed it…baseball is dying.

RIP Baseball

RIP Baseball