Before Anxiety

We all have our struggles and anxiety is mine.  It’s the epicenter of my life.  I’m closer to it than any family member or friend.  My anxiety occupies more of my time and energy than anything else in the world.  I honestly think part of me is scared to try and get rid of it because I wouldn’t know how to live without it.  I mean how do you live without being scared? Well over the last few months I’ve started a little notepad to right down when my anxiety has affected my life and what things were like in those situations before anxiety.

Before anxiety there was fishing.

Before anxiety there was golfing.

Before anxiety there was day trips far from home.

Before anxiety there was flying.

Before anxiety there was adventure.

Before anxiety there was life without checking my pulse every minute.

Before anxiety there was risk taking.

Before anxiety there was going somewhere and not worrying where the nearest exit was.

Before anxiety there was only going to the hospital because something was actually wrong.

Before anxiety there were no pills.

Before anxiety there was hope.

Before anxiety there was the thought that prisons existed behind walls and not inside my head.

Before anxiety there was thoughts of getting married.

Before anxiety there was wanting to be around people.

Before anxiety there wasn’t clock watching.

Before anxiety there were no self help books.

Before anxiety there was exercise.

Before anxiety there were concerts watched from the floor.

Before anxiety there was sitting without looking for an end seat.

Before anxiety there wasn’t apprehension about being more than 2 stories in the air.

Before anxiety I never had to say “I wish I could have been there.”

Before anxiety there weren’t missed weddings.

Before anxiety there wasn’t leaving games early.

Before anxiety there wasn’t leaving movies early.

Before anxiety there wasn’t leaving family gatherings early.

Before anxiety there wasn’t no showing to family events.

Before anxiety there wasn’t sitting in the car, trying to calm myself down.

Before anxiety there were thoughts of children someday.

Before anxiety there wasn’t self-hatred.

Before anxiety there wasn’t depression.

Before anxiety sleep wasn’t the best part of the day.

Before anxiety there weren’t days at work spent laying on the floor trying to calm down between races.

Before anxiety there weren’t “what if” thoughts about everything.

Before anxiety heights meant a good view and not a bad panic attack.

Before anxiety death wasn’t thought of as symptom relief.

Before anxiety there was thoughts of taking jobs in other cities.

Before anxiety was possibility.

2 thoughts on “Before Anxiety

  1. Pingback: Featured: Crazy Good Parent | Samantha Pugsley

  2. This is so incredibly brave of you to share this, Jason. No one’s anxiety or fears are the same, so I wont go into the “I know how you feel” speech, but just know that you are not alone with this. And every time someone like you steps up and makes their anxiety issues more public, it helps other people understand and may help someone be tolerant, be understanding, or be accepting of those around them with severe anxiety. I just hope you know I really appreciate this post.
    Best,

    Steph Post
    http://stephpostauthor.blogspot.com

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