I’ve never picked a Kentucky Derby winner on top.  I mean I’ve hit the exacta once or twice, but my top pick has never won and only once have they even finished second (Ice Box).  So here’s my look at all the horses in the 2014 Run for the Roses.  It really is a great day and hope everyone has fun!

Vicars in Trouble—Home dude is in trouble because drawing the rail in the Kentucky Derby is not fun.  Imagine running with a little piece of wood to your inside and 19 horses and 150k to your outside.  I’d go into total panic attack mode.  Maybe they just gun him early on and try to go as far as they can, which will probably be a mile.  #RideWithRosie #DontBetOnRosie

Harry’s Holiday–First of all, this is a terrible name for a Derby horse.  A Derby winner needs to have somewhat of a majestic or cool sounding name.  I mean how do you make a dramatic race-call with a horse named Harry’s Holiday? Reason enough not to like this horse.  The fact that he was 13th beaten 28 lengths doesn’t help.  But the name’s the real reason to play against.

Uncle Sigh–Just because the owners are awesome and donate a chunk of earnings to Wounded Soldiers charities is reason enough to root for this horse, but he’s a pretty honest sort that might not be a bad long shot play.

Danza–You know NBC producers were licking their chops at a chance to have a horse connected to 80’s icon Tony Danza.  I mean, it was a 100% certainty Tony was gonna show at the Derby once this horse got in.  All that potential TV corniness aside, he ran big and he goes for good connections.

California Chrome–I’m an unapologetic West Coast honk.  I mean, it’s just better over here.  Less crowded, don’t have humidity like back east and no bugs like the midwest.  Our mountains are real mountains, not those Adirondack things.  So I’m rooting for this horse.  He’s awesome.  I love the way Trevor Denman says his name, which is important.  If a name doesn’t sound cool out of Trevor’s mouth, the horse can’t win the Derby.  CaluhhhhFornnneeeyuuhh Chrrrrrome.

Samraat—Terrible name, so that’s a few points against him.  But he has heart and always runs his race, so I think he’s a totally possible underneath horse.

We Miss Artie–If this horse was named after them missing Artie Lange the comedian who tried to kill himself and is no longer on the Howard Stern show I’d root for him like nobody else (Baba Booey to you all).  But it’s a Ramsey horse who’s named after (shockingly) a stallion.  So nobody should root for this horse.

General A Rod–I’m one of those crazies who likes A Rod, juice and all.  This A Rod, the General, is a pretty honest sort and those are my favorite types.  Have a feeling he might run well, but won’t win.

Vinceremos–This sounds like a bad italian restaurant you’d find in the suburbs of a city not known for it’s Italian food.  “Hey mom what’s for dinner?  Oh your father is stopping by Vinceremos for lasagna.”  Kids: “ugggh”.

Wildcat Red–Another speedy type, but man he shows some heart each race.  Just wondering if he has Florida heart and not rest of the country heart.  I mean…when I think heart, tough gritty folks…I don’t think South Beach.

Hoppertunity–Scratched.  Boy, feel terrible for Bob.

Dance with Fate–My biggest fear here is that this horse will win and the 4 people in the USA who like synthetic tracks will start singing the praises of that surface and Keeneland will put it back in.  It’s best for all of us if this horse runs 12th or worse.

Chitu–I’m conflicted on this horse.  I never really root for Baffert but I always root for the Sunland horse just because Robert Geller announcers there and he’s the coolest guy in horse racing.  So I’ll root for this one, cause Robert’s coolness far outweighs Bob’s not coolness.

Medal Count–A closer which could be a good thing as there are lots of like to be up close types.  He does smell a little bit like Wise Guy horse, which isn’t a good thing.

Tapiture–I picked him in the Arkansas Derby and he looked loaded on the turn and then hung like Ron Jeremy down the lane.  He looks to me like he’s a little pooped an not wanting to go further.

Intense Holiday–Another horse getting Wise Guy attention, and gets John Velazquez so that helps.  I could actually see him winning.

Commanding Curve—I’m getting tired, so the rest of these will be short.  This is the kind of annoying horse that comes up and snaps off your Superfecta cause he closes in and hits the board.  Dallas Stewart has an annoying habit of doing that.

Candy Boy—Ridden by 1982/83 Portland Meadows riding champion Gary Stevens is reason enough to root for this horse.  In fact, it’s the only reason to root for this horse.  California Chrome waxed him last time.

Ride on Curlin–This horse seems to be a darling of many twitter folks, but I don’t get it.  To me he seems like a horse that wasn’t fast enough to win on one of the weaker prep circuits this spring.  But that’s just me.  Maybe he’s pretty?

Wicked Strong–I always leave the Wood Memorial winner out (except last year when I picked Verrazano and he crapped the bed) (wait a minute, i picked Gemologist too and he crapped the bed).  Ok, so the Wood screwed me the last two years. Fool me once..shame on me.  Fool me twice…shame on you.  Fool me three times…story of my life.

Pablo Del Monte–If the Also-Eligible draws in and wins…..I’ll eat my Derby program.

Everyone have fun!