You might be a horseplayer…..part 2

Monday night I was feeling frisky again and started chugging through a bunch of “You might be a horseplayer if” jokes. So here is Part 2 of the mildly popular series 🙂

Jason

When you refer to your overdrawn bank account as a “minus pool”…you might be a horseplayer
When Ajax is a Canadian QH track and not a cleaning product…you might be a horse player
When you refer to your friend who spends all his time with his spouse as being gelded…you might be a horseplayer
When you gain five pounds and refer to it as losing your bug…you might be a horseplayer
When you can recall how much a 6 horse trifecta box costs faster than you’re birthday…you might be a horseplayer
If you redboard to Andy Serling on twitter…..you might be a horseplayer
If you’ve ever had an argument with Brooklyn Back stretch…you might be a horseplayer
If you have more tickets in your wallet than credit cards…you might be a horseplayer
If your wife buys a juicer and you make a joke about her buying Doug O’neill….you might be a horseplayer
If the only time you set your alarm for 5am is cause it’s Dubai World Cup Day….you might be a horseplayer
If you know the name of the morning line maker at NYRA but not your wife’s best friend…you might be a horseplayer
When you refer to your oldest child as your first crop….you might be a horseplayer
When you refer to the start time of any event in your life as post time…you might be a horseplayer
When you get a cramp during sex and tell your partner you’ve been pulled up…you might be a horseplayer
When 95% of your ATM withdrawals occur at the OTB…you might be a horseplayer
When you get stood up and refer to your date as a scratch….you might be a horseplayer
If you bought satellite just to hear Steve Byk….you might be a horseplayer
When you refer to monday and tuesdays as days off…even though you worked…you might be a horseplayer
If the guy at 7-11 bends under the counter to grab a form when he sees you walking in the parking lot…you might be a horseplayer
If you complain about food trucks at the tracks on big days….you might be a horseplayer
If you still call Parx “Keystone Park” because that’s what it was called when you started gambling…you might be a horseplayer
When you name your pets after famous race horses….you might be a horseplayer
When your belt has a halter name plate on it….you might be a horseplayer
If you’ve actually heard of Chester, West Virginia…you might be a horseplayer
When you say Exactor just because it’s more fun to say….you might be a horseplayer
If you correct people when they say Trevor Denman is “british”….you might be a horseplayer
If you tell your friends you’re going to Inglewood after dark on a Friday….you must be a horseplayer
If the only french you know is “Il Sont Partis”….you might be a horseplayer
If you assume any girl named Laurel was named after the track in Maryland…you might be a horseplayer
If you were more sad when Suffolk closed down than when your house got foreclosed…you might be a horseplayer
When you know exactly how to say “Dakota” or Nebraska backwards…you might be a horseplayer
When you’re more familiar with Larry Lederman than David Letterman…you might be a horseplayer
If your HANA membership card is more prominently positioned in your wallet than your license…you might be a horseplayer
When you’ve been to more tracks in your lifetime than relatives houses….you might be a horseplayer
If you don’t know who Dan Tordjman is but know who Danonymous is…you might be a horseplayer
If you’ve ever been up at 4am and talked Zimbabwe racing with @chare889 on twitter…you might be a horseplayer
If someone mentions Dubai in casual conversation and your first thought is of Pat Cummings…you might be a horseplayer
If you’ve ever had a negative tweet typed and ready to go in case Baffert wins the race…you might be a horseplayer
If you know who Joe Withee is but can’t name the speaker of the house….you might be a horseplayer
If you Iphone has Pletcher in autocorrect…you might be a horseplayer
If the DRF has only two tracks in it for $7 and you still buy it…you might be a horseplayer
If you feel like you know your horse racing twitter friends better than your co-workers…you might be a horse player

If you think down on people who play slots yet you’ll bet a race with no pp’s…you might be a horseplayer
If you text your friends because you saw Deshawn Parker at the grocery store…..you might be a horseplayer
If you’ve ever scanned a bank of TV’s at the OTB looking for the next race that is 0 MTP…you might be a horseplayer
When you refer to your hottest sexual partners as “stakes caliber”…you might be a horseplayer
If you’ve ever gotten into a twitter argument with Bruno the Clocker….you might be a horseplayer
If you’ve ever sent in a complaint email or tweet about Todd Schrupp…you might be a horseplayer
If you’re willing to walk 2 miles to the track to save $4 on parking….you might be a horseplayer
If you get enraged that NYRA doesn’t run on Palm Sunday….you might be a horseplayer
If you’re youngest is a star athlete and you refer to yourself as a leading third crop sire…you might be a horseplayer
If your Hall Pass girl is a paddock hostess…..you might be a horseplayer
If a $0.25 DRF price increase ends up costing you more than a 10% income tax hike…you might be a horseplayer
If you know the fastest way from Santa Anita to Los Al on a Saturday night….you might be a horseplayer
When you refer to your inlaws as your wife’s “Connections”…you might be a horseplayer
If your son breaks his leg at soccer and you tell your wife “he snapped one off”….you might be a horseplayer
If you really weren’t surprised how much Scott Blasi cursed….you might be a horseplayer
If a girls tells you “you hung” and you think it means you didn’t finish strong….you might be a horseplayer

If on Kentucky Derby day friends you don’t talk to all year text you out of the blue….you might be a horseplayer
If you hoped Steve Coburn would keep blabbing his mouth cause it would keep racing in the headlines…you might be a horseplayer
if you have more Kentucky Derby glasses than regular glasses in your house….you might be a horseplayer
If you felt guilty when Gary Stevens quit twitter cause you always talked shit to him….you might be a horseplayer
If you remember the name of the horse that cost you money but can’t remember your address….you might be a horseplayerIf you’ve ever gotten into a twitter feud with Bayern Colt or the old Palace Malice account….you might be a horseplayer
If a little piece of your heart died when Christine Oliveras got married….you might be a horseplayer
If you’ve ever lied about where some extra money came from…..you might be a horseplayer
If the only time you’ve called your congressman was to object to a takeout increase….you might be a horseplayer (last one I promise)

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