Which Horse Goes with which Candidate?

It’s election season and there is a big GOP Debate tonight.  It’s also Breeders’ Cup Week and all the talk is about which horses will win the big races on Friday and Saturday.  So I thought I’d run through and tell you which horses go with which candidates.  Best of luck everyone!

Jeb Bush/Rachel’s Valentina

Two handsome runners there!

Two handsome runners there!

Both of these contenders are popular because of who their parents are.  Both were born on third base and thought they hit a triple.  If you love nepotism then you’ll love these two.  Rachel’s Valentina has won two races in her career.  Jeb Bush won election twice for the Florida Governorship.  They both have something else in common.  They’re not winning the big one.

Donald Trump/Runhappy

Crazy, but people love em!

Crazy, but people love em!

Both these two are pretty erratic.  But no matter how much goofiness they show.  No matter what they do…..they stay in front!  They’re all over the place and yet they pull away from their competition.  Both seemed like they would never have a shot in their respective big days, yet both are favorites!  Both have pretty ladies accompanying them at all times.  Runhappy has won 83% of his races.  Trump has offended 83% of the electorate!

Chris Christie/Dortmund

Dortmund isn't really fat, he's just big boned

Dortmund isn’t really fat, he’s just big boned

Both are big fat guys who really aren’t in the race.

Carly Fiorina/Beholder

Can they beat the boys?

Can they beat the boys?

Both of these two fillies are taking trying to beat the boys.  You will hear a lot about successes these two have had in California.  Carly  with Hewlett-Packard and Beholder basically beating the crap out of everyone at the tracks. The question is can they parlay that success on the national level.  Carly had her coming out party at the last debate when she hammered the boys.  Beholder had hers in the Pacific Classic when she crushed her male rivals.  Beholder’s owner B. Wayne Hughes is a big donor to Karl Rove’s foundation.  Karl Rove likes Fiorina.

Bernie Sanders/Golden Horn

One majestic old creature. One majestic young one.

One majestic old creature. One majestic young one.

Bernie Sanders is a socialist and Golden Horn is from socialist Great Britain.  You back either one of these you’re not going to get much money back but you might feel a bit safer and less risky while picking them.  Golden Horn is hoping to bring his success in France to the US.  Sanders is hoping to bring what he thinks has been successful in France to the US.  France has a 9.8% unemployment rate. Golden Horn has a 9.8% chance of losing Saturday.

Mike Huckabee/Shining Copper

I'm pretty sure that's not Shining Copper. Hard to find pictures of a horse who doesn't win.

I’m pretty sure that’s not Shining Copper. Hard to find pictures of a horse who doesn’t win.

Not really sure why either of these are in the race but you know one thing, they’ll make their mark early on by doing something stupid.  Whether it’s going a half mile in 45.24 seconds or supporting Kim Davis, both of these two eliminate themselves pretty early on from competition.  Shining Copper will try and set it up for Big Blue Kitten.  Huckabee seems to trying to be setting it up for everyone to hate conservatives.

Hard Aces/Bobby Jindal

Should just stay home and enjoy wins there

Should just stay home and enjoy wins there

Both these two seem to do pretty well in their home state.  Bobby Jindal keeps rocking along down in Louisiana and Hard Aces has done well in California.  Yet nobody outside of their home states really wants to back them.  Ironically the last time Hard Aces did win outside of California…..you guessed it, at the Fair Grounds in Louisiana.  John Sadler never wins away from home and neither will Bobby Jindal.

Alsvid/Lindsay Graham

Couldn't spot these two out of a lineup

Couldn’t spot these two out of a lineup

You really have to ask yourself two questions on these two.  Who the hell are they?  And why are they in the race?  Mostly just to say they were in it.

Limousine Liberal/Hillary Clinton

Just to clarify, HIllary is the one on the left

Just to clarify, HIllary is the one on the left

I don’t really need to type out why these two go together do I?