My twitter living will

I spend far too much time on twitter.  I quit it for 6 months once and it was a glorious time of being invisible.  But I missed some friends and also had to get back on to do the 2nd annual Beemie Awards.  But it’s also lots of fun to mix it up with racing people, tell jokes, bust chops and also have a community during sad times in the world.  I recently had my living will/directive drawn up and asked to have my ashes scattered in Red Rock Canyon just west of my beloved Las Vegas.  Maybe put a small rock or identifier in the ground if it’s possible.  I can’t think of a better place or view to have for eternity.  That canyon is the place I’ve found the most peace in this life.  So why not the next one too?

But I thought about what will happen on twitter when I kick the bucket.  So I’m asking the following people to please do the following things.

@TheRaiderFan–Please make at least 2 offensive jokes about how I died within 20 minutes of my reported death.  They can be about how I died, fat jokes, anything.  Just make sure you lose at least 5 followers after them because they’re so mean.

@RidindirtyDavis–Please Post a picture of LWGK pouring a cherry slurpee out on the beach at 9th avenue where you told me to park and bring quarters.

@CarlyKaiser–Use full words instead of abbreviations going forward.  I’ll rest in peace knowing “Awkies” “Totes” and “Obvi” are no longer being used.

@EJXD2–Please tweet a joke about me being alive shortly after everyone hears I died then delete it after people get mad at you.

@Zweber–Please put a $20 show bet on the first 1/5 shot you see after I die.

@Barbaro1420–Please comment how my poor decisions led to my death and blame the liberals for my demise.

@downthestretch7–When you take over a racetrack someday please announce that I was your first choice for the announcer at the track, but I couldn’t take the job cause I’m dead.

@losponies–Eat a beef taco with cheese and a little Tapatio on it and then scream to the sky “YOU WERE RIGHT BEEM!”

@ABRLive/@danonymous–Please do a “twitter reacts” blog post with screenshots of people reacting to my death.  Make sure at least one of them is from someone who says I was an asshole.

@BrianWSpencer–please make sure Rivelli does another commercial soon.

@ThoroughbredAR–Please brag about how you had $200 on the under of my death date.

@LDMcPherson–Doug remember you get 4 industry Super Rants per year.  Use them wisely.  I have told a few people to keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t go over that limit.

@BombsawayBob–While everyone is leaving messages of sadness about my death please play a Inverted Pyramid Superfecta at a small bullring track.

@PenelopePMiller–Please make your own award show call the Penelope’s where you give out awards for best GIF usage.

@TravisStone–Say “And the Race is On” at the start of the Kentucky Derby and give my novel Southbound a plug while they’re running down the backstretch of that Derby.

@LaffitPincayTV–You and Brandon Flowers from the Killers were my only two man-crushes in life.  Just sayin.

@Starting_Gate–Retweet every comment made about me on twitter for 24 hours after my death.  All 14 of them!

@TVGMike–Please do my eulogy on TVG and make it better than Todd Schrupps Hollywood Park speech.

@LaonCamps–Please repost that tweet about the White Sox GM loving “old brothers.”  It cracks me up everytime I think about it. #LeMoyne

@Chare889–Please make the Evening Replay my call of the 2007 Cradle Stakes.  It might take some work to find it but you can do it. Old Man Buck won it.

@Godarkhorse–Tweet out “Dude” with a little sad emoji next to it.

@StarryDay93–Post a link to a super sad emo song that nobody other than you and 4 other people in Maryland have heard and say it’s in my memory.

@StribLove–Remind everyone that anything I said on twitter was mostly a “work”.

@NateBalser–Watch after Murphs and when he tweets something stupid yell at him.

@Gabe_Prewitt–Turn a job down.  Just one.  🙂

@InsideThePylons–Please Say something nice about a harness executive.

@CasseRacingNC–Name a horse “Beemie Awards” and make sure it’s one that’s good like Tepin.

@alyssejacobs–One day at Aqueduct when you have to buy the two hot dogs cause they won’t let you by one, give the other to a down on his/her luck gambler.

@Horsemandon–Put up a poll asking “Now that Beem has croaked who is gonna fill the gap of fake awards show and bad radio personality in racing?”

@AndySerling–During a major American event or a national tragedy, please tweet out your Aqueduct selections and analysis all at once to throw off everyone’s timeline.

and finally….@PortlandMeadows–Normally when an announcer dies they run a race in silence to honor them.  I’d like to have an entire season at PM run in silence.