Dear Open Letters,

First of all, I know you won’t read this, cause nobody open letters are intended for ever read them.  Cause you open letters, are bullshit.  You are a blog.  You are basically a way for us who write them to feel better about ourselves.  To get things off our chest.  To virtue signal.  To show the people who are reading you just how smart I am.

You see the key to you Open Letters, is massive condescension.  I mean is it really an open letter if it’s not extraordinarily condescending?  No it’s not.  You Open Letters are how someone like me who lives in their parents basement can say something to a subject who is always a million times more successful than me and make it seem like i’m way smarter than you.

I will also write from a perspective of hope and optimism for part of the letter so it looks as though when i’m writing you that I really want the intended person to change and be open, when in reality I just want them to think and do what I think is right.  Because after all my opinion and views on things are of course right.

But really Open Letter the key thing i’ll be needing from you is for you to make me sound smart and virtuous enough that I can get retweets from people who think and feel the same way I do about things.  See, screaming into an echo chamber is really all that’s important now, and you Open Letter are the best way to do that.

Thank you,

JB