Looking ahead to the New Year

Happy New Year to anyone reading this. I’m not a big new years resolution person in general. Mostly cause I probably never really hit them when I set them. But I do believe in manifesting things in my life so I may as well put some things down on internet paper. The main resolution in my life that I’ve worked towards the last few years is just to try to be a little bit better each day. I can argue that in some areas I’ve succeeded at this and in some I’ve failed. Losing weight has been a big “resolution” for, well, probably 15 years. I’ve had ups and downs like many people but the downs in terms of weight loss didn’t come as much from diet as they did from loss of appetite during depression episodes. That said, in 2017 I topped out at 443 pounds. Yes i’m a tall guy, but 443 was just an insane number to me. I avoided the scale for several years leading up to that because I knew the news wasn’t good. That used to be my mentality with a lot of different things in life. If i just don’t know the truth then maybe it isn’t the truth. What a stupid way to exist. But over the last few years one thing that helped me so much with my anxiety has been walking. I try and take a 45 to 60 minute walk every day and some days a bit longer. The improvement in mood and general well being has been drastic. And a part of that increased activity has helped with weight loss. I’m at 364 right now, so about 80 pounds less than I was three years ago. On one hand it’s a lot of weight, on another, it’s 25 pounds or so a year. If I was more disciplined on my diet I’m sure it would come off faster. But I also think if I keep at this in 4 more years i’ll be closing in on my goal weight of around 260. At 6’4″ and my frame i’m never gonna be thin, but I would like to get to a place where I feel better physically and feel better about myself emotionally. I’ve always hated my fatness. I’ve explored why in my therapy and have worked to get to some form of self-acceptance, but it’s a process like everything else. I have some days where I think I look ok and others where I think i’m a hideous monster. One reason I love doing podcast and announcing, no face to go with the voice.

One of my big focuses in 2020 was to get my financial house in better order. And on that front, I’m really proud of how I did. After years of letting old medical bills add up, of having lousy credit, of paying too much interest on a car, I got rid of all of the bad debt. My student loan is my only payment right now and even that feels like it has a light at the end of the tunnel which is great. My credit scores are finally above my weight which is good 🙂 I started a retirement account this year and read and studied a lot about personal finance. Part of this is just making more money than I had before, but a lot of it is getting rid of stupid high rate debt and being smarter on a day to day basis. I think doing a lot more cooking has also helped with this (and the weight topic above) as I used to eat out EVERY meal for years.

I am setting a goal to buy a house within the next couple of years. I won’t be able to afford Seattle area but in a perfect world I’d love to buy something on the Olympic Peninsula here in Washington. Now granted I’m only “home” for 5 months a year, but If i can get something affordable and put a good down payment down, I’d love to be able to own it outright in 10 or 15 years and have a house for retirement that’s paid for. And I want to retire on the Peninsula. I truly do love it over there.

In my work I really just hope the new year brings with it more of the same opportunities the last couple of years have. I LOVE getting to do a daily podcast for Twinspires. I really enjoy the two places I get to announce. I like that I get to spend time on the road and see different parts of the country. Announcing is great extra income, but mostly, it’s just so personally and creatively fulfilling. I still get very nervous when I call races, but the exhausted feeling walking out of the booth after a night at the races is almost addictive. I really do get a great sense of pride out of it. I realized a few years ago that I’m at my best self when I’m getting to be creative. Whether it’s announcing, broadcasting, writing, or whatever, it helps me so much to feel good about things. I gave up on the idea of “happy” a long time ago, so I work on trying to be “fulfilled” and when I’m creative I do get that sense more often than not.

Obviously a good chunk of this year is going to continue to be pandemic life. I think with announcing and traveling all summer and fall I was so busy that I didn’t feel the loneliness of the pandemic as much as I have the last couple months since being back in Washington. I truly don’t want to get COVID or god forbid infect someone if I had it, so my life is mostly just stay home, take walks, go to the grocery store a couple times a week, and that’s about it. I noticed before Christmas I was getting very bored and just feeling blah, so I’ve been trying to reach out and call more friends and be as “social” as one can be without actually seeing people. I do find myself longing for the summer when this entire shit show will finally be over, or atleast greatly minimized. I’ve been so lucky to have a safe place to stay and full time work. I can’t imagine what some people are going through with finances, mental health, and of course, so many people have lost people from this pandemic. My Grandma Beem passed away this summer and I miss her terribly. She had a full and wonderful life, but I still find myself missing her quite often.

Anyways, just wanted to purge onto the internet paper a little bit, so thanks for reading. Not gonna promote this post so not sure anyone will see it anyways 🙂

Happy New Year.